I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
