it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
