Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
