Soap is not a condiment
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
