He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
