i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
