i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
