Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
