Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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