watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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