I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It was confusing and full of hummus
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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