I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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