Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
