I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
