Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
