Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
