when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
