Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
