You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
