I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
