I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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