I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
