Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Randomize
