I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
