dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
