It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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