i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
