Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
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that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
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New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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