Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
