I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
