it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
