oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Randomize
