just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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