Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
