she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
