My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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