Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
