I wanna passion pit in your ass
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
