the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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