Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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