So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
