Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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