When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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