So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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