but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
