he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
