I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
