The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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