NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
