Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
