he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
