I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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