God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
