Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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