When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
