True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
