I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
