i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
