can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
