What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
