Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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