I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
