how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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