My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
