Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
