Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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