I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
