I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I need moral support for this bender
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
