We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
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Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
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And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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