i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
