I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize