I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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