Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
