you told grandpa to call you daddy
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
