I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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