so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Randomize
