Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
