I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
