mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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