I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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