Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
