she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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