Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
