Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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