i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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