so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
love makes seman taste better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
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