Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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