:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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