I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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