you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
